WHAT TO SAY · BEHAVIOUR AND CONDUCT
How to tell an employee they were rude to a colleague
Speak to them soon, in private, about what you saw or what was reported. Listen to their side before agreeing what happens next.
Before you start
- Get the facts: what was said, where, and who saw it.
- If there is a complaint, check your company’s process first.
The script
- OPEN WITH
[Name], I want to talk about what happened with [colleague] in [meeting] on [day].
When [colleague] said [x], you replied [what was said]. [Colleague] was upset, and others noticed.
Can you tell me what was going on from your side?
Disagreeing is fine. Talking to people that way is not. I need you to keep it respectful, even when you are frustrated.
How would you like to put it right with [colleague]?
Replace the [brackets] with real details. Say it in your own words; the structure matters more than the exact wording.
If they say…
“They started it.”
I will speak to them too if needed. Right now I am talking about how you responded.
“I was just being honest.”
Honesty is good. The words you used made it personal. Let us talk about how to say the same thing well.
What to avoid
- Ignoring it because they are a high performer.
- Taking sides before hearing both.