How to manage someone who used to be your peer

Avoiding the subject is understandable. You may value the friendship, worry about seeming arrogant or hope that things will feel normal again if nobody draws attention to the change. Staying quiet can seem like the kinder and less disruptive choice.

In practice the silence creates uncertainty on both sides. Your former peer does not know whether to treat you as a colleague or a manager, and you may hesitate to give clear direction for fear of damaging the relationship. Every small decision then carries an unspoken question about where the boundaries now sit.

The video recommends one honest conversation early on. Say something like “Our relationship is going to shift a little, and I want us to talk about how we make that work.” Acknowledging the change openly replaces months of guessing with a shared understanding, and shows that you intend to lead rather than avoid difficult moments.

This does not mean becoming distant or formal. The conversation can be warm, and it is reasonable to say that you value what you had as peers. The point is to make the new expectations visible, then follow through consistently, so that fairness to the wider team is never in doubt.