How your first reaction to bad news shapes what you hear next
When someone brings you a problem, your first reaction is the part they remember. Get it wrong and they may stop bringing problems to you at all.
THE QUICK ANSWER
When someone brings you bad news, say “Thanks for telling me” first. Your first reaction is the only part they remember. A sigh, a frown or “why didn’t you tell me sooner?” teaches them that bringing problems is expensive, so they stop, and you hear about the next one too late. Thank them first, ask questions second and fix it third.
GO DEEPER
What your reaction teaches people
Bad news rarely arrives at a convenient moment. When someone tells you a deadline will slip or a mistake has been made, frustration is a natural response. A sigh, a frown or a quick “why didn’t you tell me sooner?” can slip out before you have had time to think.
Those reactions may feel small, but your first reaction is the only part the other person remembers. It teaches them that bringing you problems is expensive. Next time, they may wait, try to fix it quietly or hope it goes away. The result is that you hear about problems later, when they are harder to fix.
The fix is to say “Thanks for telling me” first, before anything else. Then ask your questions, and only then move on to fixing it. That order matters. Thanking them rewards the act of raising the problem, which is exactly the behaviour you want more of.
This does not mean ignoring the problem or pretending it is fine. You can still be clear about the impact and what needs to happen next. It also helps to decide your first words in advance, so they are ready when you need them. Over time, people learn that telling you early is safe, and you hear things while there is still time to act.
KEY TAKEAWAY
When someone brings you bad news, thank them first. How you react decides whether they come to you next time.
TEST YOURSELF
A team member tells you a project has run into a serious problem. What does the video suggest you do first?
PRACTISE IT
Try this lesson in the arcade
Quick retro games that start with this lesson’s situations. One thumb, one to three minutes, free.
