What to do when someone cries in your one-to-one
When someone becomes upset in a meeting, the instinct is to rescue them. Staying calm and present usually helps far more than trying to fix it.
THE QUICK ANSWER
When someone cries in your one-to-one, do not try to fix it. Say: “Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.” The instinct is to rescue them with tissues, a change of subject or a quick solution, but that tells them their emotion is a problem to make go away. Staying quiet and steady tells them they are safe.
GO DEEPER
Why rescuing someone can make it harder
Seeing someone cry at work can be uncomfortable, especially when you are their manager. Most people want to help straight away. They reach for tissues, change the subject or jump to a solution, hoping to ease the moment for both of them as quickly as possible.
Those reactions come from a good place, but they can send the wrong message. Rushing to fix things suggests that their emotion is a problem that needs to go away. The person may feel embarrassed, apologise and close the conversation down before they have said what was actually on their mind.
The fix is to stay with them rather than rescue them. Say something simple like “Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.” Then stay quiet and steady. That calm presence tells them they are safe, and that you are willing to hear whatever comes next without hurrying them along.
You do not need perfect words. Most people remember how you made them feel, not exactly what you said. Let them set the pace, and when they are ready, ask what would help. The most important thing is simply to stay in the room and show that you can handle the moment with them.
KEY TAKEAWAY
When someone cries, you do not need to fix it. Say “Take your time. I’m not going anywhere”, and stay in the room.
TEST YOURSELF
Someone becomes tearful during your one-to-one. What does the video recommend?
PRACTISE IT
Try this lesson in the arcade
Quick retro games that start with this lesson’s situations. One thumb, one to three minutes, free.
