Why “Why didn’t you just ask?” teaches your team to stay quiet
It sounds helpful, but it puts the blame on the person for not asking. People stop asking when asking has cost them before.
THE QUICK ANSWER
Say this instead: “What made it hard to ask? I want it to be easier next time.” “Why didn’t you just ask?” sounds helpful, but your employee hears: you should have known. It puts the blame on them, so they guess, hide the gap, and you find out when it is late. Thank the next person who asks, even if the answer seems obvious.
GO DEEPER
Why the question backfires
“Why didn’t you just ask?” is meant to be helpful. You are pointing out that help was available, and you want people to use it.
But it puts the blame on them. The question lands as “you should have known”, and people rarely ask again when asking has cost them before.
So they guess, hide the gap, or wait until the problem is big. You find out when it is late, and the fix is bigger than a question would have been.
Ask what made it hard instead: “What made it hard to ask? I want it to be easier next time.” Then thank the next person who asks, even if the answer seems obvious.
KEY TAKEAWAY
Do not blame people for not asking. Find out what made it hard, and thank the next person who does ask.
TEST YOURSELF
An employee made a mistake because they did not ask for help. What is the best thing to say?
PRACTISE IT
Try this lesson in the arcade
Quick retro games that start with this lesson’s situations. One thumb, one to three minutes, free.
