Why “Let’s not make it a big deal” makes it a bigger deal
It sounds calming, but it already felt big to them, which is why they raised it. They feel dismissed, and the next concern stays quiet until it is bigger.
THE QUICK ANSWER
Say this instead: “I can see this matters to you. Tell me what’s bothering you most.” “Let’s not make it a big deal” sounds calming, but your employee hears: stop raising it. Acknowledge the concern first, then decide together how big it really is.
GO DEEPER
Why shrinking it backfires
“Let’s not make it a big deal” is meant to calm things down. You want to keep the problem in proportion and keep the team moving.
But it already felt big to them, which is why they raised it. Telling them to shrink it says their judgement is wrong, so they feel dismissed.
The concern does not go away. It goes quiet, and the next one stays quiet until it is bigger and harder to fix.
Acknowledge it first: “I can see this matters to you. Tell me what’s bothering you most.” Then decide together how big it really is. Small things raised early are the cheapest to fix.
KEY TAKEAWAY
Acknowledge the concern before judging its size. Small things raised early are the cheapest to fix.
TEST YOURSELF
An employee raises a concern that seems minor to you. What is the best first response?
PRACTISE IT
Try this lesson in the arcade
Quick retro games that start with this lesson’s situations. One thumb, one to three minutes, free.
